September 18, 2016

Ok, this blogging thing isn't working.

Concept: Write every day about absolutely everything and nothing that's happened in the day.
Reality: Spend the day walking about aimlessly, and the night staring at the ceiling and/or rereading romance novels and end up turning in early.

I'm just so creatively drained right now. 

I've never thought it could be possible, but I'm not on Tumblr as much as I used to be when I was at home. My daily activities right now starts with waking up, have breakfast, going to uni if I have to, head down to Placa de Catalunya, wander around, pick up snacks, get home, make dinner, and proceed to doing nothing until I give up on trying to do something, and go to bed. 

It's a boring routine and I hate it, but I can't seem to get out of it.

In all honesty, this week has been a bit rough. I had some trouble registering for subjects (mainly because there aren't any subjects that I could actually take) and also trouble making friends somehow... I realized this week that as much as I like having my space and keeping it to myself, I need people. Like, Barcelona is so beautiful and I wish I had someone with me to share it with, to talk about it, whatever. 

I'm a little lonely, as much as I hate admitting it, haha. It also makes me realize how much I depended on my family, like I've never been this lonely before because I live at home, I have my siblings and taking care of them since my parents moved has been a full time job and I fucking love it. I've never wanted for anything in terms of company. My siblings and their shenanigans are enough for me.

And then I came here, I have all this time to myself and I'm so lost. I don't know what else to do because the past 3 years of my life (or even forever???) have been revolved around my family and now that I'm living alone I'm like....what now? What now? 

On the bright side, I recognized the signs that I was about to slip into another episode so I worked hard not to let myself go there. It's harder right now because I'm 10,560 km away with a 6 hour time difference from my support system if anything happens, so I have to be twice as...vigilant? about taking care of myself and my mental health.

Anyway, 

 

Yesterday I crossed Rambla de Mar and went to the Maramagnum shopping mall, but like all shopping malls, I'm not very interested in them unless they have bookstores in them, and this one hasn't. Sat at the pier, soaking up the sun because it had been a bit cold this past couple of days, and played PokemonGo (caught a lot of water-type pokemons, naturally).


Then I walked through Placa de l'Odissea towards Placa de L'Ictineo, and just spent two hours sitting here doing nothing and watching people. I planned to sit and write but obviously the writing part didn't work out much.

I guess autumn is near since we've been having heavy rains and the coldest winds (I've started wearing my fleece hoodie and socks to bed), and my only regret right now is not being able to explore the beaches. Maybe I'll check the forecast and go down there when it's a little bit warm. 

Until later,

2 comments :

  1. Sending you hugs and good vibes lisa <3 I can get the loneliness feeling, especially at college, because since reaching out of my shell is something I find really difficult, and my family does consume a lot of my time back home also. I hope you find your niche though and enjoy the lovely views!

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